yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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