A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
false alarm. still invincible.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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