my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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