I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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