my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
