yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
