I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
