dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
