So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
