I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
