After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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