if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
