my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
