saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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