I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
