FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
