If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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