Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
