Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
