Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
