No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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