bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?