im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.