Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend