I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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