i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
