she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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