he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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