my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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