So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
