Jerry, you need to find god
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
God, I missed his penis.
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