If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
