Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
