all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
