My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
