the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
