Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize