At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
