Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
