You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
