Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
