one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
