You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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