I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
