I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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