I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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