She's JV to your varsity
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
nutella sex= disaster
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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