her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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