I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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