So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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