just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
