i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There r osticjed everywhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A bitchslap is in order.
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