I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
