It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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