Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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