is your mom at the bar?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
