my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
