Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
