I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
