I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
