There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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