I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
