After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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