Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
