i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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