You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
two words: eviction party
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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