Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
