Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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