Grow some girl-balls and come out already
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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