just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
