i think i have two assholes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
