Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
