The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
