i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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