her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
